Dear Diary,
by the lola
Summary: The war is continuing, and Voldemort is winning. Draco is one of the orders only links to the world outside Grimmauld Place, and Hermione can't trust him, but he fascinates her. Diary entries by Hermione.
1. Unknown

I would write the date, if I knew it. I have no clue what day it is, I have no sense of time anymore- none of us do. I don't know why I'm writing in this, I guess it's because no one talks anymore. We're all just waiting, waiting to attack and finally escape from the depression that's looming over our heads.

We've been at Grimmauld Place for months; I'm sure- maybe even longer than that. Harry, Ron, Luna, Hannah, Neville, Penelope, Fay, Adrian, Dean, Seamus, Lavender, and most of the order are here. Some are at shell cottage; I haven't seen them since that day at the castle. We have supporters everywhere though; we're just waiting to call on them.

Harry didn't go to the forbidden forest, he retreated and we've all been in hiding since. Voldemort is taking over; the world isn't the same anymore. Death Eaters are everywhere now, muggles are being dragged into all of this, muggleborns are being killed, people are taken to the headquarters to be tortured for inspiration, and our magic is traced so that Voldemort knows where we are, meaning we can't use it.

Everything is just so wrong. No one is happy anymore, there isn't even fleeting moments of peace. Everyone eats their meals in silence, staring at Harry more often than not. He's waiting for the perfect moment to get everyone together and have the real fight. He's building up to it, timing it perfectly, supposedly.

Honestly? I don't think any of us believes it. The war is as good as won. Everyone just hides in their room, staring at the ceiling or each other.

I haven't even gotten to the strangest part yet though. The saving grace in all this, helping us through, is Draco Malfoy. I never thought I'd ever be writing that, but it's true. I trust him as far as I can throw him, but I'm learning- we have to have a little bit of trust left in this world.

I don't understand him. He followed us back to Grimmauld Place when Harry retreated, and insisted that he could help. No one trusted him, but he knew where we were hiding, so we didn't have much of an argument. He's our only link to the outside world- he's in hiding too, but it's a lot easier for him. They didn't care that he left the Death Eaters, as long as he wasn't getting in their way. And as far as they're aware, he isn't.

He's the only one who talks to me anymore- everyone else practically flinches when I open my mouth. I can't decide if I like him, if I can forgive him, but he's hard not to like. He's lost everything, his family, his life, his money, his wife. Everything. And I can't help but feel sorry for him.

I always want to know more. Is that bad?

Right, meeting now…

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A/N- Hey lovelys... this is for the Diary Prompt Challenge and The Speed of Lightning Competition- meaning this will be finished by the 27th. I'm not sure how many entries this will include, minimum 3. Pretty please could you guys review!


	2. The Next Day

I can't imagine myself writing in this everyday- not enough happens here.

We had a meeting yesterday, which is why I had to go. The same thing happened that happens every time we have a meeting, we argued. It's like everyone's emotions build up and pressure is added, and it compacts until no one can hold it in anymore.

Everyone had a collective argument, with Luna walking out because no one was listening to her, the adults trying to keep us all calm, and Ron practically blowing his top. What started as one big argument turned into lots of little ones, with Ginny screaming at Harry, Seamus trying to hit Dean, Penelope and Ron…

All that Draco did was put the bag of food he'd brought over onto the counter, and waited in the doorway for me to inevitably walk out. I feel like I should write our conversation down, seeing as I have no one to tell.

I stormed out at the sight of a third argument breaking out, and Draco caught my arm.

"Alright Granger?" He raised his eyebrow, smirking at me.

"Clearly not." I wasn't in a good mood…

I walked past him and up the stairs, and soon heard his footsteps following behind me.

"Any news?" I sat down on my bed; he sat on the chair in front.

"No… I just came to bring food. I know meeting days are stressful."

"Stressful? Understatement of the century Draco."

"I'm surprised you don't enjoy the fact everyone opens their mouths."

"I would, if it was friendly conversation. It isn't, it never is."

"It is with me."

"No, we're not-" I cut myself off, realizing the error of my words.

"We're not what Hermione? We're not friends?"

I was confused. I'd never thought of us as friends, just two people trying to get on for the sake of a war. I stayed silent.

"Oh, that's fine. We're not friends, yet I'm the only one who ever talks to you. We're not friends, yet you're the only person who knows what I've lost to this war. We're not friends, yet I'm the only person who sees you cry, who knows your thoughts. Sorry, how could I have been so stupid? Of course we're not-" This speech is practically engrained into my head, this whole conversation is…

"STOP! Stop it now Draco. I'm sorry, It's hard for me to get my head around all of this."

"Get your head around what? The fact you're the only one I care about?" "Shit." He shook his head, getting up. "I'm sorry, too far… I'll go."

"No it's okay, stay-"

"I'll go." He stepped out of my bedroom door.

What was that supposed to mean? I'm the only one he cares about? That's news to me. I didn't think anyone cared about anything except the end of this war. He doesn't care about me; it just slipped out of his mouth, surely.

Damn it, I wish I had someone to talk to about all of this. The only person willing to talk anymore is Luna, and as much as I love her, what help could she be? I need Ginny right now, but Ginny is too busy worrying. She has to worry for her family, and for Harry. If my boyfriend was the chosen one, I'd be just as anxious as her, but I just miss her.

I miss everyone, and I hate to admit it, but I do. I miss them, I miss Ron, I miss who he was and who we were, and I wish that I could love him how he loves me, but I don't. I miss Harry, I want him to be the same happy, hot-headed boy he used to be, not this man with the world on his shoulders. I miss everyone, and I want them back. I want this to be over, for good.

Who knows when I'll write next, I doubt I'll be seeing Draco for a while so I won't have much to write about. I think I'll try and talk to Luna before I go mad.

Later-

Luna tells me he's in love with me. I knew she'd be no help. At least I got to talk to someone about it though.

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Review? :)


	3. 8th July 1999

I found out the date today. It's the 8th of July 1999, and I truly can't believe it. I've been stuck here in hiding for a year, 6 months, and 2 days. I know for a fact I haven't written in this in a good couple of months and that's mainly because there's been nothing to write about.

Except one thing… and I don't even know if I want to write about it. But at the same time I have to, because no one knows. I at least need to write it so it feels kind of true.

Draco kissed me.

We were so angry at each other, and we hadn't seen each other properly for weeks, and I'd been crying, and he kissed me.

I think I kissed him back.

None of this makes sense. Why does he stir something inside of me? I thought I was numb and senseless. I thought the war had finally killed everything except my body, that I was an empty shell of a person. Well, I am. I certainly look it- we barely have enough food to make it through the days, all of us are nearing skeletal, Draco is helpful but it's not enough anymore, there's no food anywhere…

And once again, I'm talking about Draco. Why? I wish I knew. Where did it all start? I wish I knew. It's just…he's the only one that understands; he's the only person I ever talk to.

For Merlins sake, there's a war raging outside our doors, and I'm babbling on about Draco Malfoy in my diary! This is ridiculous.

Oh, apparently the time is nearing to attack… the tension in the house could be cut with a knife as we wait for the go ahead from Harry. Not much to say on that for now though.

Until next time.

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**10th July 1999**

We've just been given the go ahead from Harry. Today is the day. Merlin knows if I'll ever write in here again.


	4. 12th July 1999

**12th July 1999**

Things didn't go as well as we hoped, a record of this is probably going to be helpful but I don't have much time.

They found us before we got to them and we're being held hostage. I'm going to hide this while Draco distracts them, and whoever finds this, you now know what happened, because I'm not sure any of us are going to live to tell you ourselves.


	5. 25th July 1999

**25th July 1999**

That was easily the scariest thirteen days of my life. I'm decorated head to toe in varying colours of sickly bruises, cuts, scratches, and so is everyone else. We've all been tortured to within an inch of our lives. Some members of the order managed to direct some of the public to us, in the hope they would save us, and they did.

Hannah, Penelope and Dean are dead. I can't even force myself to feel sad, because I'm in such shock to still be alive. Everyone at shell cottage is missing, and the war is raging with full force.

I was held hostage with Draco, and he is practically the only thing that kept me alive, although almost at the cost of his own life. He's unconscious right now, and we don't know how to wake him up. I _need_ him, there's no other way to put it. What's the point in denying the truth to my own diary?

I don't know when things changed, but they did. I don't know how he feels, but _he_ kissed _me_. That's got to count for something. Right?

Ginny and Ron are a mess, with half their family missing. Neville is in pieces, it seems him and Hannah were closer than we thought. Everyone is injured and practically bed ridden, yet riled up and ready to fight, and it's terrible combined with the despair of the losses and the missing looming over us.

It just makes me think though, that I could loose Draco at any time, so I should make the most of the time we have. He can't die, he just can't. I don't want to win this war without him by my side. His breathing is erratic right now, and his face is coated with sweat. I'm going to try my healing spells again.


	6. 29th July & 3rd August 1999

**29th July 1999**

Draco hasn't improved, and I don't know what to do with myself. Everyone's expecting me to be their rock, but little do they know just how much I need a rock of my own.

Luna is the only one that knows, but she always did. That girl is so full of wisdom that it's ridiculous- she's seriously underestimated. She told me to follow my heart and not care what anybody thinks. I wish I could be like her- so calm and clever. I can't help but wander if there's some sort of war going on underneath all of that, there must be. She's lost just as much as the rest of us.

On a lighter (ish) note, although not really… we're aiming to join the attacks next week. The light side has gained back a lot of land, and we're needed to take down the headquarters. I can't help but be excited, but truly the only thing I can think about it is that I want Draco to be better for then. After all the work he's done, he deserves to get to do this, to show them that he isn't their puppet.

I'm being called for dinner, I just hope arguments can be avoided for tonight…

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**3rd August 1999**

He's awake! He's awake and seems to be getting better. Harry promises that he'll be coming with us to the Death Eater headquarters.

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A/N- Thank you Cassi for the review :) means a lot. Hope you're all enjoying...


	7. 5th October 1999

**5th October 1999**

This is the first time I've returned to Grimmauld place in months, I'd almost forgotten about this diary! So much has happened; I don't even know where to start.

Voldemort is dead! Harry defeated him in a grueling fight to the death, and we thought we'd lost him for a moment. We managed to take over the headquarters after that and althoughEnglandis still crawling with Death Eaters, we have the upper hand.

The country is still in ruins, but if we band together we can fix it. We can fix each other, we can fix everything. There seems to be a lighter tone in the house today, compared to last time we were here. Draco is helping me box my things- I'm moving into his house…

Doesn't that sound ridiculous? Hermione Granger is moving into Draco Malfoys house. I can hardly believe it myself, but I don't want to live alone. Nightmares have been haunting me for a long time, and I wouldn't be able to cope with them alone… we're moving fast, but I think all this has taught us to live for the present and stop worrying for the future. After all, Voldemort sympathizers could get us any day and we'd be gone forever.

He told me he loved me, and I didn't say it back. I couldn't, I can't- I can't love again, not yet, I'm not ready for that. With Ron, I didn't say it back and I'm glad because I _didn't_, but maybe with Draco the foundations for love are there. The fact that he doesn't care that I can't say it back yet speaks volumes for itself, because he's sticking around when many men wouldn't. We argue, we scream and shout at each other and storm out of the room, I've cried to him, he's let me into his heart and his deepest fears, he fascinates me but confuses me, yet I'd do anything for him and he'd do anything for me, he's even saved my life. Maybe just for once, it's enough. Maybe I'm finally enough for someone, and they're finally enough for me.

We're telling everyone (well, formally) about our relationship tonight. I hope they're supportive- I'm sure they will be. Most of them have ideas, and they've seen us close and know I nursed him back to health as well as the fact we were held hostage together. They know Draco's not the same man anymore, I'm sure most of them would trust him with their lives by this point, and after all, many unlikely relationships have come from all of this. I'm happy for everyone, I'm happy we can all move on with our adult lives, finally, even if we have to stick the jigsaw pieces back together with glue, we'll do it.

I'll write soon to let you know how it goes, I hope…

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A/N- I'm hoping one or two more entries and I'll be done! Don't forget to review my lovelys!


	8. 6th October 1999

**6th October 1999**

I wrote in this quicker than I thought. My things are all packed, and we're leaving soon, so I have to be fast.

Everyone took it great, except Ron, but that was expected. They're really happy for us, and Harry and Ginny are actually going to be living really close! It feels wrong to actually feel happiness, after all this depression and death. I haven't felt anything in so long and now I'm feeling everything at once.

And I'm glad to let that happen.


	9. 1st January 2000

**1st January 2000**

It's a new year, a millennium, and I'm going to move on with my life. I'm going to leave this diary and everything it represents behind, so that I can move forward. I love Draco, I have for longer than I care to admit, and I've finally been able to tell him that.

But maybe, maybe I'll start another diary… I'll see. For now? I'm living in the present and right now, I'm about to go out for dinner with Draco.

You've been the best friend for the past year (ish) but I'm leaving you behind! Psh, see what you've done to me, I'm talking to inanimate objects.

Goodbye!

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A/N- Well, quickest thing I've ever written! Hope you all enjoyed this. I might write another diary based around Hermione and Draco, but only if you guys tell me your interested… please don't forget to review!

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